Just got home from the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival and 5 days at Nantasket Beach, MA with Tom and the girls, and I realized that I don't have one picture to show for it. Not one that I can easily download here on this site anyway.

And that's a shame. Cause there were beautiful moments to be captured. Like Caroline and Hannah hanging with their new Boston area boy buds at Falcon Ridge, Huxley, Angeus, and Sawyer. And wave jumping and sand castle building and clam shell digging at the beach with Eileen and Felicia and Grant.

Or the girls big recording session for a song on my upcoming cd. One of the sweetest things I've ever witnessed, hearing my babies sing along on the ring around the rosy tag at the end of "the circle"...(Hannah actually sings pocketfull of FOSIES - if you listen close on the cd, you'll hear it). Sweet enough to make Tom wipe away a quick tear or two before he was found out by the girls.

Or by me. On the digital camera I don't have.

Think I'll be doing a little talking to Santa come December...

I LOVE New York City. I'd move here in a heartbeat if all my life circumstances were properly lined up (which they aren't and won't be ANY time in the forseeable future).

I"m typing while laying (or is it lying - I never DID get that in english) in bed in my cozy little hotel on the upper west side where I've actually figured out how to navigate myself around to everywhere I need to go.

I've gotten some kind of goofy thrill out of hailing cabs and saying 117 W. 79th between Columbus and Amsterdam, with a bored expression on my face, as if I've done this every day since I was old enough to hail my own cab.

That's what's so alluring about this city. You can be whomever, whatever you want to be. AND NOBODY CARES! In a good way. (a very good thing, actually, for a girl who has managed to go through life her entire life extremely self conscious assuming that everyone within viewing distance is not only WATCHING every move she makes but also ANALYZING and JUDGING those moves, as if merely moving through life, her life in particualar of course, is an olympic sport worthy of such close attention) Not to say that people don't care...I've met the nicest people in my time here. A cab driver who drove an extra couple of blocks (and turned off the meter) helping me get my bearings straight. An understanding waitress who didn't freak out when I accidentally took the wrong bag with me to the restaurant - the one without my wallet - and waited patiently while I walked the 4 blocks back to my hotel to get it. A woman who sat next to me at the CAROLE KING CONCERT at RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL last night, talking about how we both grew up listening to the Tapestry album and then sang along together (with the rest of the audience) on "it's too late baby" and "i feel the earth move" and "will you still love me tomorrow".

And talk about another surreal kick - having Kenny White (www.kennywhite.net) record some kick ass piano parts to MY version of "i feel the earth move" which is going on my new solo album. Not only did he record on that song, but also on "little girl" and "cinderella" (which was inspired, both rhythmically and stylistically by one of his songs, "in my recurring dream")

So if I ever turn up missing, you'll all know where to hunt me down. But New York IS a big city. With lots of hiding places...she says with a sinister yet wistful (and forgivable) grin.

My biggest lesson by far, is one I learned from Tom's cousin Suji who went to eat with me after a gig on Tuesday. I asked her if she knew of a place with good indian food, and she said "yeah, just a few blocks down, let's walk". 10 miles and 2 big ass blisters later, we arrived.

The lesson - when you come to the city, bring sensible shoes. Or take a cab. I'll hail it for you. I'm good at it.

I wanna live here.
Enough said.

For the past week, I have been living in Charlottesville, VA in the basement of the Pelton's house. Tom has been living here for the past 3 weeks with 2 1/2 more weeks to go. Every summer for the past 5 summers, this is where Tom has lived when he comes to teach at UVA. Every summer for the past 4 I have come for at a least a week or so. It's funny how well you come to know someone when you live in their house for an extended period. And it's really interesting how quickly you develop your own "family dynamics".

The Pelton's are a great family and I personally am so grateful for their incredible hospitality and for the opportunity to get such an up close and personal look at their lives. Gary and Rebecca (the parents) have 3 kids ranging in age from recent high school graduate to one on the verge of entering high school. Two girls and a boy. Hannah, Emma and Jake. In my family growing up, there were two girls and a boy just like that. Same birth order with me being the oldest. So it's hard for me to not have occasional flashbacks to my own childhood when looking at the Pelton clan.

Tom and I recently decided that we needed to put a rush on getting my new CD out so that we could have it available at the Kerrville Wine and Music Festival where I'm going to play in the round with several other past New Folk finalists. One of the big hold ups in getting it done is that I have no new photos I like with my new short hairdo. Come to find out, Emma Pelton, is a very passionate budding photographer. And budding in NO WAY refers to the quality of her pictures, only to the fact that she hasn't been doing it very long. She went on a trip with her school this past year to Egypt and took some of the most brilliant photographs I've ever seen.

So yesterday, Emma took a shot at shooting her first CD cover. She also just turned 16 and only two days ago got her driver's license. So not only did she take my picture, she drove me around town on her first day to drive with her license. Might I add, that her driving skills are equal to her skills in photography (outside of a few directional mishaps, but I told her I wouldn't talk about that).

We decided to shoot on location at the University of Virginia. Lots of old brick buildings, trees etc...Beautiful scenery. Just the place to camoflauge someone who hates to get their picture taken. Let me just say, that I'm a horrible subject for photos. I mean, I've had some really nice pictures taken of me, but they're usually candid with me caught unawares. If I have to pose, or DO something to have my picture taken, I feel incredibly awkward and self concious...its as if everything I know about moving and smiling and being confident just goes right out the window. Modeling was never in my future.

All that being said, after a few location changes and a few harrowing clothing changes (try getting naked outside on a college campus with your giggling photographer holding up a sarong for you to change behind) Emma came through with some amazing pictures.

Not only was it a good shoot, but I thoroughly enjoyed getting to hang out with Emma. Bright, articulate, funny, passionate...She gives me hope for the next generation. Watch out for Emma Pelton. She's going places!

(Below are a few of the shots we WON'T be using for the CD, but still really great shots...)

Okay. I feel kind of like a kid at Christmas. I'm getting ready to go to NYC for a week. A whole week! BY MYSELF!!! I've been there before. Tom and I have been there together a few times, always working, and we've taken the girls once for fun. But I've never been by myself. And it's always been a dream. Ever since I was a little girl obsessed with dancing and acting. Dreaming of the celebrity of Broadway. Of the anonymity of such a big city. Growing up in a small town, anonymity was hard to come by and sometimes desperately desired.
So, after a weekend of gigs in the D.C. area, I'm taking the train up from Virginia and spending 4 nights in a hotel, taking in as many sites as I can including Fiddler on the Roof - my first time to see a play on Broadway (Fiddler was also the first major musical I had a role in as a 13 year old) AND going to Radio City Music Hall to hear Carole King (I grew up on her Tapestry album - the first CD I bought myself when I got my first CD player in the late 80's)!!!

Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today...

So I get corny when I'm excited. Forgive me already.

Lots of you have been asking about the Marianne Williamson quote, so I decided to put it up here so that it was easy to find. I saw this quote for the first time when Tom introduced me to his friends Nancy and Fett in Nashville. Nancy had it hanging on her office door with lots of the words and phrases highlighted in different colors. The colors caught my eye and I read the quote, but what it said didn't sink in until much later. After we'd left their house, I emailed Nancy and asked if she could send me a copy, because I couldn't get the words out of my head. When she emailed me back, she said "Funny you should ask for this, because Tom is the one that gave it to me years ago." Small world...

Now if only we could all live by these words...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?"
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that's within us. It is not in just some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

- a quote of Marianne Williamson from the book "Illuminata" as quoted by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech.

Over 10 years ago, I started training for a marathon. I trained in Dallas with an official training group at the Tom Landry Center. I ran my weekday runs by myself, then did my long saturday runs with a group at White Rock Lake that ran at about my pace. I loved it. It made me feel alive.

I made it all the way to the half marathon in my training. Then I got the flu. And it took me two weeks to recover. By the time I felt like running again, I was too far behind in the training to catch up. Never did run a marathon.

It's always been a dream of mine, and I decided last weekend while we were on the road, that NOW is the time to polish off that dusty dream.

Besides every show we do, I have to listen to Tom sing the line "she wants to run a marathon"...in his song WHAT SHE DOES FOR ME. (song three of the quadrilogy for those of you singing along at home) I'm so sick of hearing that and thinking to myself, "are you EVER going to do it???"

So NOW is the time.

Just so you can keep me honest, I'm going to share with you my plan. Since it's been a full 3 years since I've run a lick, what I'm going to concentrate on this year is just building a base. I'm going to try and run 5-6 days a week at least 20 minutes a day. If I can manage this, then next summer, I'll begin full out training for the New York City Marathon that takes place in November.

So November 2006. I've said it. I'm gonna do it. You can hold me to it!

(what the hell am I thinking?) :-)

Last Monday, we went on a fishing extraganza with Tom's family. Altogether, we were quite a crew. Tom's parents, Tom and Ardys, brother Danny and wife Idella, sister Patty, sister Polly and her two sons, Alex and Zach, and cousin Lorraine. Along with me, Tom, Caroline, Hannah, the captain (whose name I've blocked out for psychological reasons) and the first mate, Jason. Quite an eclectic group to be sure.

First of all, this is only the second time I've ever been fishing in my life. The first time was also with Tom's family two years ago. That trip, we caught little fish on a little pontoon boat on the Potomac River. This time, we were getting serious. Going after the almighty Rockfish swimming around in the Cheasepeake Bay. We had collectively rented our boat for 8 hours and we were supposed to catch a 27 fish limit of fish that weighed over 28 lbs. Last time, the fish I caught could have lived happily in a large aquarium.

The girls were very excited about the trip. We had been talking it up for weeks and they always love spending time with Tom's parents whom they've named "GrandmaMA and GrandpaPA" (those particular names chosen, I think, because they were the most exotic sounding grandparent names they could come up with for their adopted indian grandparents) I don't really know what the girls were expecting of this excursion, but I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with the reality that took place.

We boarded our boat at around 2 in the afternoon, met our captain and first mate, and set out toward the extremely rocky waters of the Cheasepeake Bay. The first thing the girls wanted to do was explore the boat. Not being up on boats or boat lingo, I have no idea what kind of boat it was except to say that it had a main level where we did all the fish catching, an upper deck that you had to climb a ladder to access, a small inside cabin with a table, and a lower inside level with small airplane-type bathroom. For throwing up.

As it turns out, the bathroom got a lot of use that day. After touring the boat, Caroline decided that where she really wanted to hang out was downstairs. Unfortunately, it turned out to be very rocky and very HOT downstairs. She christened the bathroom with the first round of throw up. Shortly after Caroline exited the bathroom, Tom's sister-in-law, Idella entered, never to be heard from again. Fish smells and throw up smells...a lovely combination.

Caroline was trying hard to be brave, and trying really hard not to throw up again since the bathroom was now permantently occupied, but her stomach was not cooperating with her plan. Luckily there was a trash can on board and a box of trash bags which became her bathroom for the rest of the trip.

To balance all this, the rest of the crew was having a great time and catching a lot of fish. BIG fish. Tom's dad is the most avid fisherman of the group and he seemed to be pretty happy. As did most of the others.

The captain, while i'm sure he is a really nice man on land, seemed to be hellbent on winning the tough guy at sea award. He seemed to take great pleasure out of yelling things like "We don't have enough people catching fish on this boat! Or, I don't hear anyone telling me how much line they've let out! People people people!!" Between fishing poles flying, caught fish flopping in the poor dead fish bucket, changing out throw up trash bags, getting stung by killer flies, and trying to entertain an utterly bored and too small to fish, Hannah, I couldn't really tell if I was having fun or not. Well actually I could. But it didn't seem polite to say how I really felt.

Caroline and I found a corner near the back of the boat where I sat on an ice cooler and she lay across my lap while I rubbed ice on her forehead and neck. We tried to coax Idella out of the bathroom and out in the fresh air with us (as Caroline seemed to be feeling better out there) but she was past the point of being able or strong enough to move. All the while more fish were being thrown in the flopping bucket. The only thing that seemed to keep Caroline and Hannah entertained and hanging on was making bets about who would catch the next fish and counting down how many fish we had left to catch in the 27 fish quota.

Somewhere around 25 fish, Caroline looked a lot less green and actually started to feel better. Hannah on the other hand, was going down hill. It's a lot to ask of a 5 year old to stand on a boat where everyone is too busy to pay much attention to her, and she's not big enough to fish. My heart was going out to my kids. So I made a determination. *I* was going to catch the last two fish. And we were all going home.

I know what you're thinking. You can't just decide to catch fish and then actually catch fish. But I'm here to tell you, there's MUCH to be said about the power of positive thinking. In fact, on my only other fishing experience, I told Tom as we were driving to the boat, I'm gonna catch some fish today. (Tom had never caught a fish before either). He said, "Yeah yeah". I said, "No, I mean I'm GONNA catch a fish". And sure enough, not only did I catch one, I caught two at once on one line (with two hooks)! And I've got pictures to prove it.

So as I was sitting there with Caroline next to me looking pretty miserable, and Hannah wandering aimlessly looking equally miserable, I determined that I was going to save my children from further misery and catch the damn fish.

So I stood up, grabbed a pole and cast my line out into the water. Less than five minutes later, fish number 26 was tugging on my line. Nothing to it, I was thinking. And my girls were so pleased that Mom was saving the day. Jason the first mate came over to add my fish to the flopping bucket and I set out to catch number 27. I forgot to mention that Tom had caught two fish by this time. And somewhere after catching number 26, he made the mistake of uttering a throw down of sorts. Something along the lines of, "Yeah well, I caught two". That statement didn't get by me or Jason, who was still standing near and whispered to me, "All you got to do to hush him up is to catch this last fish". Which is exactly what I intended to do. All along.

Everytime someone would catch a fish, the first thing the captain would ask was how far out were you? And the fish catcher was supposed to respond with some kind of number. I must have been knee deep in throw up when this little system got started, cause I had no idea what they were talking about. So when I caught number 26, I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, and then Jason, my new buddy, explained it to me. Every time you let out an arms length of line, you counted. And if the fish didn't bite after a couple of minutes, you were supposed to let out or reel in a few more lengths of line.

After catching number 26, things slowed down a lot. No bites. No hope of bites. Minutes dragged by. The nasty killer flies were the only things biting. And the kids were still tired and bored. So I just kept letting out a little more line and a little more line and a little more line. All the while saying to myself, I'm gonna catch this fish.

Someone started up the betting game again and asked the girls who they thought was going to the catch the last fish. Hannah said without hesitation, "My mom is going to catch the last fish. I believe in my mom." And over and over for the next several minutes, she would repeat that and "You can do it mom, I know you're going to catch the fish". And I just kept letting out more and more line.

Then lo and behold, something bit! And I started to reel it in. I reeled and reeled and reeled for what felt like an eternity. I asked Jason how close was I getting, and his response was less than motivating. "Oh my god", he said, "how much line did you let out?" "I have no idea", was my feeble answer. At that point, I felt like I was back in high school running track, and I had just given everything I had to running the 100 yard dash only to have the coach say "But you're signed up to run the MILE". Now I felt like *I* was going to throw up.

I really wanted to reel the thing in by myself, but I'm a girl who is comfortable with my limitations, so I called for backup. "Tom! Come help me catch this fish." At first he said something like, "No baby, you can do it. Catch this thing by yourself". But when he could see how desperately tired I was, he did stand behind me and take over the reeling until HE got too tired to continue. (Now he likes to say he quit on purpose so that I could actually do the final reeling in. Yeah right.) At least it was enough of a break for me to get my second wind. All the while Jason was still commenting on how far out it was and how much line I must have let out. I made another determination to tune out Jason.

When I had reeled in enough line so that the fish was actually getting pretty close to the boat, Jason said, "Holy cow, I think you caught a small child!". I wasn't sure if he was being serious, or just patronizing a middle aged woman. But as he put out the net and pulled up my catch, I knew he was being serious. THIS was a big ass fish! They took it over to the counter to measure it, and it was longer than the yard stick. Turns out, it was 39 inches long!!! The biggest catch of the day.
And Hannah was excited and proud. "I knew my mom was going to catch it. I knew she was!"

There's a lot more I could say on the gory end of things. Like having to stick my hand up under the gills of gigantofish to get my picture taken while gigantofish was still flopping around. And having blood from gigantofish dripping all over my white skirt. (why would I wear a white skirt on a fishing boat?? That, of course, is another entry) But I'd rather end on a positive note. Since this is all about the power of the positive.

Did thinking I could catch the fish really enable me to catch them? Was it luck? Was I born with good fishing karma? Do I really lead a charmed life like my good friend Susie says? I don't know. I only know that I decided to catch them and I DID. And that Hannah believed in me, the power of her mother. I know I won't always be able to deliver in such a visual way on all of her proclamations of faith, but I'm glad that on this day, I could.